... found an artist / band that was good but not the most awesome you've ever heard, yet there is some unknown element in their music which you need so desperately that you cannot stop listening to their songs over and over? Then when you cannot listen they still ring in your head?
That's how I feel about Voltaire. Not to say he's not awesome. But god, I've been listening to them continuously whenever I'm home for months now. Several months one album, several months another, and in the meantime some other stuff by them too.
His voice ... his lyrics ... they have some ... thing which reminds me vividly of someone I need to talk to. Or something. I keep wondering what it is.
I refuse to take my favorite songs by him on my stick to my laptop in the capital, because I'm afraid I'd listen to him double the time I do now. I'm addicted.
Wow. I really want to figure this out. What does his music have that means so much to me? I'm intrigued.
Recent Journals
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Dear Mrs. R, I’m writing to you on my letter-to-someone-you-don’t-talk-to-as-much-as-you’d-like day. You have a husband and three kids and used to be my high school teacher and I understand you don’t have time to sit around and chat ... I am happy you have a facebook, at least, so that I still have the courage to keep some contact, if only to ”like” or comment quickly on something you posted. This is just to say that you’ve helped me a lot...
Dear Mrs. R,
I’m writing to you on my letter-to-someone-you-don’t-talk-to-as-much-as-you’d-like day. You have a husband and three kids and used to be my high school teacher and I understand you don’t have time to sit around and chat ... I am happy you have a facebook, at least, so that I still have the courage to keep some contact, if only to ”like” or comment quickly on something you posted. This is just to say that you’ve helped me a lot and I appreciate you, your principles, your strength, our memories, your soulfulness. Thank you for everything.
~Diana
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Dear Radu, I am writing you on my letter-to-your-favorite-Internet-friend day, but as I’ve said before, I hope we can somehow become face-to-face friends soon enough. I hope we can meet in person. I hope I can show you you’re as good a person in the flesh as you are online. & after, when you move to a better country, I hope you get to start anew, solve all your problems, and that we can perhaps meet again if you still want to. I know I may sound optimisti...
Dear Radu,
I am writing you on my letter-to-your-favorite-Internet-friend day, but as I’ve said before, I hope we can somehow become face-to-face friends soon enough. I hope we can meet in person. I hope I can show you you’re as good a person in the flesh as you are online. & after, when you move to a better country, I hope you get to start anew, solve all your problems, and that we can perhaps meet again if you still want to.
I know I may sound optimistic to you. Sometimes, I wish you could see yourself the way I see you. You really are one of a kind. You say you have nothing else to do anyway, but I disagree – you could easily watch entertaining videos or play games or do something else or just take your time and rest, but you choose to spend hours chatting with me and sending me long messages, supporting me with anything and everything, listening to all my rants. You know I’ve been through a tough time these months and especially for the first couple months after my breakup – and you had a huge part in keeping me sane. You’re a great friend, very insightful even though you may not think so, and you always have something positive to say to me. You make me feel appreciated and that’s really a lot, considering how much I’ve felt taken for granted by others before. & you do all those really thoughtful things, like how you compiled that list of potential master’s programs for me. That was really impressive and one of the most touching things a friend has ever done for me, and without me asking.
With this letter, I guess all I’m trying to say is I really appreciate you and what you do.
Aside from your personality and friendship, there are so many other good things about you, as well. You really are very knowledgeable and seem to have skills in many fields (psych, language, computers, etc).
Just ... try not to take yourself and your qualities for granted. You really mean something to me and I hope one day you can better see the good in yourself.
Hugs,
Diana
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on Sep 1 2:30 AM,
500 words.
Me only.
0 comments.
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My Dreams- my dear Dreams: You grow on me like tangerine seeds. Sweet and juicy. Too sweet and juicy to be true in the imperfect land of reality sometimes. Sometimes, you’re not enough to quench my thirst. Sometimes, I tell myself I’m not enough to grow you in my soul and make you come true. Sometimes, I think I’m not worthy enough when I give up on you, when I let the hail strike you and bruise you and I never look at you again because you no longer have per...
My Dreams- my dear Dreams:
You grow on me like tangerine seeds. Sweet and juicy. Too sweet and juicy to be true in the imperfect land of reality sometimes. Sometimes, you’re not enough to quench my thirst. Sometimes, I tell myself I’m not enough to grow you in my soul and make you come true. Sometimes, I think I’m not worthy enough when I give up on you, when I let the hail strike you and bruise you and I never look at you again because you no longer have perfect skin.
Do you know that I love you? That you are what keeps me alive and kicking?
On occasion, you become sour on me - or perhaps it’s just that I keep you waiting for so long, that I forget what the point was in dreaming you in the first place. & as you know, I may be a quitter but never a forgetter. Each one of you can live on me, in a parasitic symbiosis with my heart until we can finally let go. I will either fulfill you or grow the wings to teach you how to fly and make room for more compatible, fresher dreams.
Sometimes, all it takes to earn a beautiful garden is tangerine seeds. Sometimes, all I need is a dream.
-girl who is only sometimes afraid to get her hands dirty
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Dear sister / brother, I wonder how things would be different if I’d had you in my life. Would I be less selfish? More open? Faker? Braver? I used to want a sister ... now I understand the implications and think it would have been hard for me if I’d had one. Still, I believe that if you were there ... I would have grown to be a different person. For better and for worse. -not your sister
Dear sister / brother,
I wonder how things would be different if I’d had you in my life.
Would I be less selfish? More open? Faker? Braver?
I used to want a sister ... now I understand the implications and think it would have been hard for me if I’d had one.
Still, I believe that if you were there ... I would have grown to be a different person. For better and for worse.
-not your sister
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